Dear People I Just Met, Please Stop Asking Me If I'm Going to Have a Baby
I kind of feel like an asshole writing this post,
but I mean,
Having a baby, or not having a baby is a really, really, really personal decision, it's complicated and complex, and involves two people in some of their most intimate hopes and fears and plans. So, if I don't know you really well, please don't ask me to share those intimate hopes and fears and plans with you. It's uncomfortable for me. I don't like doing it.
Now that I'm married people have started asking me within a few minutes to hours of knowing me. I might want to be these people's friend down the road, but I'd say within the first few weeks- months- years - depending on the friendship intensity level - this information is not for them yet. This is something for me talk about with my very best friends. Or not. Maybe it's just for me to keep personally. Maybe I'm not ready to talk about it. Maybe I'm trying to get pregnant and it's not going well. Maybe I feel like I should be trying. Maybe I never want to try. Maybe having a kid scares me. Maybe being a mother isn't something I've ever wanted. Maybe being a mother is all I've ever wanted. Maybe I just want to wait a year. Maybe I haven't thought about it yet. Maybe it's all I've been thinking about. Maybe my mind is changing. Maybe my partner and I are fighting about it. Maybe my partner and I are dreaming about it daily. Maybe it's none of your business.
Maybe that sounds rude.
But maybe you're asking a very intense question that is really hard to answer.
So, please, stop.
Wait for me to bring it up instead. I'll tell you if I want to.