WHEN BAD DOGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Kyle and I refer to our dog, Mckee, as the terrible, awful evil creature.
But that's only because she is.
She's the worst.
OK BUT WE LOVE HER A LOT.
WE ARE REALLY HAPPY WE ADOPTED NOT SHOPPED A DOG.
SHE BRINGS SO MUCH LIGHT INTO OUR LIFE.
But this in no way should negate how terrible she is. Somebody told me not to tell her to her face that she's bad. My opinion is eloquently defined as, "uhhhh, but like, she is."
If you plan to adopt a dog and you take anything away from this, please let it be that you need to do an intensive foster period with a dog before you adopt it. You probably won't though. You'll probably think you'll be realistic about your expectations and that you'll only sign the papers if you have a really good dog, but you'll get a little face in your house and are going to fall so madly in love you'll adopt the dog and then
RISK EVICTION FROM YOUR APARTMENT
TELL YOUR FRIENDS THEY CAN'T COME OVER - ESPECIALLY IF THEY HAVE KIDS
GET A PROZAC PRESCRIPTION (FOR THE DOG)
BE TOLD TO MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS BY SOMEONE WHO REHABILITATES PIT BULLS
BE TOLD YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DROP OFF AT DOGGIE-DAYCARE
PUT YOUR DOG IN A KENNEL IF YOU'RE GOING TO THROW A PARTY
KNOW THAT A SPECIFIC DOG IS WALKING BY YOUR APARTMENT WINDOW BECAUSE OF THE SPECIFIC GROWL YOU HEAR
oh wait, that's just us?
PS all those things actually // still regularly happen(s) to us after getting this dog.
How I sum up this brilliant-mastermind-dog is
- When she first arrived in our home as a 10-month old puppy, we took her to a bunch of parties and she was so freaking cute, running around being a total hambone. We signed the adoption papers and within a day was no longer party-bringing appropriate due to the lunging at everyone to bite them. She's never broken skin. But it's scary AF and ain't nobody want that shit at their party. Like I said, she's a mastermind.
- We took her to holistic animal vet who tried rubbing chamomile ointment on her forehead and has been known to do doggie acupuncture (yes, we live in Vancouver, get over it) but immediately put her on Prozac. Yes, real Prozac. Child's dosage. You just go to the pharmacy and pick it up. For four years. Girlfriend has some mental health issues yo.
- I had wanted a butter dish for a long time and finally found one that fit my aesthetic. We'd been using it for a few months and I never said anything, except one morning I exclaimed to Kyle, "you know, I really think this butter dish has enriched our lives," as the ability to have spreadable butter really did enrich my life. That night when I came home the butter dish was smashed on the floor. You could feel the house fill with maniacal laughter as Mckee said, "Human. This shall teach you to find enrichment outside of your love for me!" Like I said, she's brilliant.
We don't actually know her story, other than she was rescued from a high-kill shelter in Los Angeles, and we think she just wasn't socialized properly.
If you're wondering why almost all the photos are of her on the bed, it's because we don't take her that many places as she can't fully be trusted in public (like dog parks? Yeah, we take her there after 10 pm or it's pouring rain.) When I take her out without Kyle I'm usually too afraid of letting my guard down to take her picture.
Two other reasons for constant on-the-bed-pics: (1) she hates getting her photo taken and rarely is willing to pose (2) She's wildly obsessed with sitting on soft things.
fun fact: if you try to take her for a run she will often just lie down so you can't move. It's suuuuppppppppppper cute.
But want to know why keep her around?
because she loves us more than she hates everything else
You can follow the adventures of this hater on instagram @shit_mckee_hates
it's pretty funny.
nb all this being said, if you want a dog you totally should adopt it.
we 100% support adoption
If you want a dog, if you can, I say you should give a home to a dog that is most likely going to end up being one of your best friends in the whole wide world, and would otherwise end up in a super nasty situation or being put down.
Plus you can feel smug every day that you're doing something good.